brainless me and hopeless me

A new Year!

2010-01-18T23:15:00.002+08:00

Hi People!

New Year! New babies! New stress! New challenges! and of course new goals....
Past 3 weeks has been crazy! been sick like all over again. but my babies were sweet enough to try to keep themselves quiet so i would not have to scream at them!
My babies this year are a bunch of super smart and argumentative kids. It's fun because i get new topics to argue with them.... I believe most of my students would make potential lawyers!!!
i would really love to write more, but right now, i have a million things on my mind. so i guess as usual, i shall end here pretty abruptly.

- in a 'million of things to complete' mind -

as usual

2009-11-24T16:18:00.002+08:00

once again, the same old starting line.. that goes...
It's been a long time since i blogged. haha. how many times would i have written that in my entire life, i wonder.
Since, i am so free now, i thought i could squeeze some stuff into my blog. school year ended. i miss my babies. though i am anticipating my new batch of babies.
okie. i am bored. so that is all for now.

- seriously in a 'da da da' mood -

days weeks months

2009-08-18T20:59:00.000+08:00

ya

that is pretty how long i took to update my blog. well.... since my lappie crashed and i have nothing better to do, i decided to update my blog.
Super sian... first in 5 years that my lappie crashed. Not that i do not wish to get a new laptop, just that the one i have really carries some importance....
here i go again.
getting bored.
bye.

hey hey

2009-04-09T00:06:00.001+08:00

okie

i know i always start with it's been a long time. lol. wat else can i say but the truth. A friend told me recently about her blog which got me starting thinking on my own blog. so i figured it is probably time to start reblog on my own blog.
been very 'unhealthy' this year. bad years for 'dogs' apparantly. so started taking vitamins to make myself stronger!!! anyway, i wan to go sleep liao! so ....

- in a 'sleepy' mood -

seriously, a long time.

2008-10-19T03:43:00.002+08:00

it has been such a long time since i blogged! been so busy with everything in school... not much time for other stuff.. but since people have been asking me about my updates, i decided to blog now since i am still awake...
let me see... been really tired lately... been having really weird images in my mind.... been jogging more lately... been pretty stressed with everything on my mind... been having break outs lately... alot of have been.. ha ha!

- in a 'have been' mood -

the heart of the matter

2008-08-13T00:32:00.003+08:00

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear But I knew that it would come An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone She said you found someone And I thought of all the bad luck, And all the struggles we went through How I lost me and you lost you What are these voices outside love's open door Make us throw off our contentment And beg for something more? I've been learning to live without you now But I miss you sometimes The more I know, the less I understand All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter But my will gets weak And my thoughts seem to scatter But I think it's about forgiveness Forgiveness Even if, even if you don't love me anymore These times are so uncertain There's a yearning undefined And people filled with rage We all need a little tenderness How can love survive in such a graceless age And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness They're the very things we kill, I guess Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms And the work they put between us, You know it doesn't keep us warm I've been trying to live without you now But I miss you, baby The more I know, the less I understand And all the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter But my will gets weak And my heart is so shattered But I think it's about forgiveness Forgiveness Even if, even if you don't love me anymore All the people in your life who've come and gone They let you down, you know they hurt your pride Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside I wanna be happily everafter And my heart is so shattered But I know it's about forgiveness Forgiveness Even if, even if you don't love me anymore I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter Because the flesh will get weak And the ashes will scatter So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness Forgiveness Even if you don't love me anymore Even if you don't love me anymore

You know it's time when...

2008-07-23T00:04:00.002+08:00

When do you know it's exactly the time to move on?
I doubt i would ever know...
Anyway, i attended a course on self reflection...
So decided to do some reflecting... but reflecting does kind of bring you down at time... when you start thinking of the past...
but i decided to just reflect on my own teaching.. so i can be a better teacher!
Serious! dun laugh!!!
So , i am going to sleep early so i would have all my energy for my babies!!!!!1

- in a 'reflective' mood -

how many wrong turns make a right turn?

2008-07-07T18:12:00.002+08:00

you know how everyone of us makes mistakes at times and makes that super very bad and silly judgement or decision..
well i believe, ME the almost close to perfection me made such decision,
At this point, i can only say i am trying my best to retify the situation and of course i have to deal with the after effects of the decision that i had to make because of the 'bad' decision i made... lol... sounds confusing right...
Somehow, i think my life is going nowhere, I think my destination has yet to be found. I have no idea whether i should be sad or happy. I am 26 this year... nothing big accomplished. Everything i ever wanted or how i see myself at this point of time, somehow seemed more distant than ever.
Friends say, take one step at a time. It's so easy yet so difficult... one step seems like eternity. The future to me is just a big bag if uncertainties....

- in a very 'i also dun know what to say' mood -

i'm back!

2008-04-29T01:48:00.002+08:00

Somehow, it just hit me that i have a blog. ha! i totally forgot about my blog! I guess i am just too preoccupied with things that are going on in my life.
The kids' exams just round the corner. Sometimes, i really feel like i am screaming my lungs out and at times, i really do wonder if what i am doing for them helps them... sigh...
but i can really say, every year, my class is just so wonderful. They are so adorable and lovable even though they can be little monsters too!
this would really be short coz i need to go sleep!!!

- needs all the energy in the world -

so so so such a long time

2008-02-10T15:27:00.001+08:00

okie. i admit.my fault for not updating. but cannot blame me too.
school just started so a lot of new things to settle.
i got a bunch of new 30 babies... got to get use to them.
they are adorable yet devilish!
haha.
anyway, i got loads of stuff to settle so basically i got no time to blog now. so ya, bye!

- in a super duper busy mood -

halo!

2007-12-07T16:56:00.000+08:00

okie, blame me.
haven been updating for a long while.
a little lazy and of course the same old excuse "Been busy!"
but seriously, i have been busy for the past few days. Having a little time off recently but still so lazy to start on my work.
LPS to plan, set CA paper and of course my worksheets for my kids.....
leaving for hk next week, so i have to start on my work by then. At least i have one less worry.
And oh, i have to go for a stupid root canal. I am so freaked out. I am just so afraid of the jabs. Not much of the process but realy, the jab!

- in a 'super lazy' mood -

school's going to end!!!

2007-11-04T03:06:00.000+08:00

oh no! school's going to end and i will not be teaching my babies anymore! i'll get a new batch of babies though!
well, my babies did pretty well for their exams!except for their english... haha. i guess i am better at teaching math or rather i focused too much on math. so next year, i will learn to be a better teacher by focusing on both!
i cannot wait to start teaching my new batch of babies. i know they would be a wonderful class!
anyway, happy belated birthday to myself. lol.
my kids that i taught two years back... made me sushi for my birthday! it was so sweet of them! how i wished i was still teaching them! but next year they would be in primary 5 and i dun think i am experienced enough to handle the content yet... so i shall just stick to my babies and make myself more experienced!
feeling so tired now... just got back from a movie with mel... watched the game plan. quite nice. your usual heart warming show. it was funny too. and the girl is simply adorable!!!

- in a 'sleepy' mood -

lauging my heart out

2007-10-13T16:04:00.000+08:00

met melzone for dinner last night.
it's always fun to meet him for dinner.
the way he craps and talks never fails to make me laugh.
was suppose to meet today but blur mel was half asleep so he thought it was on friday. but anyway, managed to get karen too so the four of us went for dinner...
we were chatting and laughing and we realised that there were 3 cool websites for you to visit. According to Melzone:
1. www.weatherforyou.com.sg
2. www. abisheganaden.com
3. i cannot remember! go ask mel for it!

hahahhahahah
this is such a lame post. but i just had to post it.

- in a 'laming' mood -

changed my mind..

2007-10-11T20:35:00.000+08:00

i think i have changed my mind.
if you are wondering what to get for my birthday, just give me cash.
take it that you are sponsoring me for my trip to hong kong!
wahahahaha!
seriously, i do not need anything. i would be really happy if you guys just celebrate my birthday with me!
it has been such a long and tiring week for me! just finished my work review.. and next week's the PSLE marking week! i am a marker for math!!!
four days marking. that got to scare me off marking....
coming to the end of year already.. i am so looking forward to a new year! new kids and new duties!

- in a 'anticipating' mood -

ouchy ouch ouch

2007-10-04T22:20:00.000+08:00

i have been having this terrible toothache.
but i refused to see the dentist.
because i am scared. Arghh! help!
Anyway, my birthday's coming up!
Here's my wishlist for people who have been reading my blog! haha

1. Cash
2. Get rid of my fats
3. Get rid of my toothache
4. A new Casio Watch
5. A jug of Cherry brandy
6. Tickets to Chitty Chitty bang bang
7. Cash
8. Cash
9. Cash
10. Cash
11. a pair of tickets to david copperfield's show

That's about it.
wahahahahahhaha!

- in a 'irritated by my stupid tooth' mood -

...

2007-10-01T00:31:00.000+08:00

Timbaland Lyrics
Apologize Lyrics

totally pissed

2007-09-26T20:20:00.000+08:00

i am totally pissed today.
my babies are driving me nuts.
i am tired, drained and extremely pissed.
so what do you get.
an emotionally unstable me.
and you are not there.
i hate you.

- in a 'hating myself' mood -

i need to.

2007-09-26T00:46:00.000+08:00

i made the choice so i must live with it.
lol. Know what, i was struggling with the spelling of 'live' just now when i was trying to type it. haha.
i saw someone today. he saw me too. weird.
i received someone's email yesterday. he replied. weird.
when i received his email, my heart seriously stopped for that few seconds. I am not kidding. just shocked to receive his reply.
when will i be back to my normal self.
when will i be able to just really seriously laugh and smile like i really mean it.
i miss that feeling.
i miss 'you'.

- in a 'missing you' mood -

and i would

2007-09-26T00:39:00.000+08:00

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

- in a 'i would' mood -

you are really doing it.

2007-09-25T01:18:00.001+08:00

you are really ignoring me.
i cannot believe it.

do you know..

2007-09-24T23:01:00.000+08:00

do you know the feeling when regret starts kicking in.
do you know how much it sucks when i feel that coldness coming from you.
do you know how terrible it feels when i know i am the one asking for it.
do you know it is even worst when i cannot do anything about it because i have screwed up so many times.
obviously, you do not know
because you still do not understand.
to my babies, i love you. thanks for always making me smile as well as making me frown. but you sillies give me the reason to smile.

- in a 'low' mood -

i hate myself

2007-09-23T15:00:00.000+08:00

i am beginning to hate myself.
i cannot fathom everything that is going on within me.
i feel as if there is a power struggle within myself.
between the old me and the new me.
Someone asked me what happened to me. He asked why the sudden change.
He preferred the old me. Much better than what he was seeing now.
Another asked me if i was really happy.
He said i was only me when i am teaching. He said i would only commit to my students.
So who am i? or rather what am i?
haha i am even saying things that i dun mean or understand. I feel like i have another person speaking for me. that is so freaking freaky.
i think it is really time to figure out things within me. I hate myself. I hate for letting things come to this stage. i hate blogging about nonsensical and useless things.

- in a 'always be your girl' mood -

time to be a workaholic

2007-09-18T23:32:00.000+08:00

it is time to be a full workaholic.
it's only less than 5 weeks to my babies' final year paper.
i am not the one taking the paper. but why am i the one feeling the anxiousness.
i am so freaking stressed.
i dun know how my sillies will perform.
worst, i dun even know how i will perform.
it's coming to the end of the year. i would have been in the service for half a year.
what have i accomplished?
what do i really want?
all i know - i need to seriously lose weight. see, all over again.

- in a 'workaholic' mood -

all over again

2007-09-18T23:27:00.000+08:00

Turn Down the light,
Turn up the radio.
There's a fire in your eyes,
and its keeping me warm
Hold on to me like it was yesterday,
When we both felt our spirits collide
I remember the moment, being struck down by lightning
Since the first time I saw your face,
and you smiled
Come and lay down with me
Fill the space that's between us
Feel the magic that keeps love alive
This time, can be like the first time
Close your eyes and soon you'll be there
No man could ever guess what you're feeling
Turn a spark to a flame,
Make a wish, close your eyes, won't you start all over again.
Just like the first time you touched my skin,
All over again I tasted heaven take be deaf again,
All over again
Your smile Your touch, Your taste, It turns me on and on and on,
That I fall in love with you,
All over again
Come and step through the stars,
Take a ride though the universe.
As long as we're here,
lets take this whole thing in
What I'm trying to say,
Is that you are so beautiful
Let me say it, all over again.
Coz this time can be like the first time,
Close your eyes, but you'll soon will be there
No man could ever guess what he's feeling,
Turn a spark to a flame,
Make a wish, close your eyes, won't you start all over again.
Just like the first time you touched my skin,
All over again I tasted heaven take me there again,
All over again Your smile, Your touch, Your taste,
It turns me on and on and on.
That I fall in love with you, I keep falling in love, with you.
All over again All over again All over again.

- in a 'all over again' mood -

all over again.

2007-09-15T04:41:00.000+08:00

i need to start all over again.
someone said i need to learn how to trust myself and understand myself before i can start to trust and understand others.
is it so difficult just to have a normal and decent relationship.
i mean why must we even bother about it.
Life is all about relationships, i guess. relationships with loved ones. relationships with my students and parents. relationships with strangers.
so i cannnot really not bother about it.
'i hope not' this phrase brings so much uncertainty. i am one who needs to be certain now. i am finding my path right back to where i belong.

- in a 'guiding myself' mood -

wat is wrong with me.

2007-09-13T23:29:00.000+08:00

today is really a weird day for me.
i have no idea wat is wrong with me.
i am hungry but i dun know what to eat.
i got work to do but i dun know what to do.
i want to quarrel with someone but i dun know why.
i want to sleep but i cannot get to sleep.

Dance with me tonight

It’s been so long
Since I’ve known right from wrong
Got no choice
Sometimes I just sit down and sob
Wondering if anything will go right
Oh will you dance with me tonight?
When the Sunday nights
I feel a hole down in my heart
Put on some shoes
Come down here
And listen to the blues
Wondering if anything will go right
Oh will you dance with me tonight?
I’m looking at you,
you’re looking at me
We’re the only two off the dance floor
Do you see what I see?
Two long goodbyes
Working in harmony
I’d make for a decent time
So get up and dance with me
I know that it seems that the grass will growBetter on the other side of the barbwire fence
But that other side is not in sight
So I’m fine with what I have now
If you’ll dance with me tonight
What’s the point of life if risk is just a board game?
You roll the dice but you’re just hoping that the rules change
What’s the point if you can’t bring yourself to sayThe things you want to say
Like dance with me tonight

- in a weird mood -

been a super duper hectic week

2007-09-13T15:37:00.000+08:00

okie, the week hasn't exactly come to an end, but already, i think i am going crazy with all the marking and all the plannin that i have.
children's day is coming up and the primary 2 teachers are in charge. The event is like in 2 week's time. All of us are trying to rush for the SAII, so many things on hand. I am going crazy! Arghh.
I also too have other things to bother about. I should seriously be back to my old self. Where nothing bothers me so that i can just fully concentrate on my work.
By the way, i am at work now. haha. just decided to blog since someone told me to go read the comments. so i decided to blog.
Another also commented that i finally update my blog. so for you people, i am taking the effort to blog. wa hahahah!
i know what i want already. i also think i have the courage to go pursue what i want. but i have reached another road block. because that someone tells me it is not time yet. i am going back to my work.

- in a 'working hard' mood -

once again...

2007-09-12T00:28:00.000+08:00

'once again' a phrase i have been hearing very often...
but true enough, once again, i am caught in a situation that i would not want to be in.
one that i have to make decisions.
i seriously know what i want, but i just do not have the courage to proceed.
the fear of crying every night, being a paranoid bitch, worrying and being oversensitive is just too scary. seriously, after BEN, everything's just different. i am just trying to find that special feeling back once again, but of course, i am not going to bring the old me into my relationship.
Ben used to say, trust is the foundation in all relationships, but somehow, hearing it from someone who does not practise it, does not quite convince me. he was the last guy in the whole world that i thought would ever ever do such a thing... okie, i know i have been repeating it. haha. just ignore me... i need to get myself out of this whole loop that i have got myself stuck in.
i need to be happy so that the people around me would be happy!

- seriously considering 'a change of lifestyle' mood -

i am so officially screwed.

2007-09-10T10:33:00.000+08:00

i am so officially screwed. why?
because i am so officially sick. and?
which means i am so not officially not going to complete my work. Shucks!
and school starts today.
i wonder if i am sick because i have been partying too much or i have just been worrying too much. i think it's definitely not the partying. because i dun recall myself dancing alot recently.
right now, i should be in school preparing for my new school term, but here i am at home blogging. haha. probably because i know some one out there is reading about what i am writing. or at least i think he is.
to you: there are alot of things about myself that i would like to change if i can just turn back time. i know you will be there and i know you would very much love the 'old' me. but i can't anymore. somehow, the old 'edith' is lost somewhere in the third dimension, never to be found again. i dun like the new me though but neither do i dislike. but i just pray and hope that you would still be around one day when i decide to venture into the third dimension just to find myself back.
okie, WTF was that. told you guys i was screwed.

- seriously seriously in a 'screwed' mood -

decisions are never right

2007-09-09T04:36:00.000+08:00

it's coming to the end of the september holidays. I should be enjoying myself but it seems like i am draining myself more. Okie, i did enjoy myself for a couple of days when i was in sentosa.. but i felt like the trip brought me onto another roller coaster ride....
yet another turbulence that i have to brave through.
When can i seriously tell myself that it is time to stop. When can i seriously tell myself that relationships are no longer essential or important.. Time is also a deciding factor. Time is also the one that heals. It just pretty sucks.
The worst thing is, i am sick, school is starting soon and my work is not done. I hate it when i let others affect me and lose focus.
One thing tat is on a brighter note, i have been clubbing lesser. Ha ha. that should be pretty good news.
i hate making decisions. because the two paths that i can take just never seem too right.
One path leads to possibly disatrous results, the other path which seems more logically and wise and more to my heart seems just too far stretched. Maybe the time has really come for me to just wake myself up and stop wat ever nonsensical stuff that i have been doing...
been shopping a lot too. for things that i really dun need. as usual, nothing special...
okie, i am starting to feel drowsy which means the meds are kicking in. so tat means i need to sleep!

- in a 'seriously seriously crappy' mood -

it's a crappy day within a crappy day.

2007-08-20T23:08:00.000+08:00

okie, today sucks.
My kids still cannot grapple with the unit fractions when i am doing time. Not that i moved on without making sure they understood, but they SERIOUSLY were able to do it at that point of time. Now when i recap back, they totally forgot, and their common test is next week lah. This is like "Holy Crap!" And some of my kids tell me 'birds build their nests on the leaves of trees.' and 'the LEAVES of roses are red'. Tell me i am not an idiot lah. Everyone knows the answers to these two questions lah. Sigh. Am i lousy teacher or are they just being too complacent....
I am going to change my style of teaching in TERM 4. No more NICE miss Ang.. haha. Time for some torture plans.
i feel like i am going down that road again. that phrase that i just went thru not long ago. I really wished to think that my life is like totally screwed, but it's not. I know they are more screwed people around me. But .... arghh.. i dun even know what i am writing about. LOL
seriously LOL.
been facing problems with a certain family member too. i have no idea how to help. it makes me wonder why these things happen. even tough i keep tellin people, things happen for a reason. I guess it's easier to tell people that than to make myself believe it. But i do seriously believe i have become what i am now because i chose to. Not tryin to escape reality or finding some safety net - according to a close peer....
things will get better. I know that.

- getting rid of all "NEGATIVE" emotions -

change.

2007-08-19T21:38:00.000+08:00

i am noticing a change in myself. I have no idea if it is a good change or a bad one. Because obviously i cannot predict what this change would do for me in the future.
i cannot seem to understand the situation i am in right now. No path seems to be the perfect one for me.
It makes me wonder what caused this change in me. Is it because of my break up with ben? I doubt so because to me, he is nothing more than a fragment of my memory. I can chose to make good use of what i have now or to purposely cause problems to make myself miserable. Funny how some people love to have misery in their lives....
I have been losing focus in my work, tryin to steer right back in.... been spending money like there is no tomoro, been drinking like i dun have a liver... been eating like i give a damn. lol.
it's time to reposition myself.

- in a -repositioning- mode -

sick!

2007-08-07T17:00:00.000+08:00

arghh. i am so asking for it. i am sick and i brought it upon myself. been out too much. been clubbing too much. been spending too much. everything is in extreme.
so am i really being destructive? i doubt so. i am just lost. i am 25 and i have lived like a quarter of a century. but i am still lost. lost in everything. but at least i still have my kids to fall back on. but i miss them soooooo much today. they are not around to cheer me up! well, tomoro's wed and phuture's definitely out for me... looking forward to friday and sat though!!!!

- in a coughing fit -

i love my kids!

2007-07-28T02:15:00.000+08:00

yes i love my kids! they give me the reason to stay on and teach!
and yes, i am definitely happy now.. not being destructive but rather leading the life i want. if you are not happy about it, freaking fuck off! i dun think i am at the level as where to i would do things to spite you off.
if i was to make a wrong descision now, it would be on my own conscience. Not yours.
tomoro is sat. phuture... once again!

- freaking -loved- mood -

decisions.

2007-07-26T20:48:00.000+08:00

every once in a while, there are hard decisions to be made. You either make a very good choice or you make a choice that really screws your life. Right now, i think i have made a very good choice.
If you respect my decision, you would not be the way you are, all i can say : Fuck You! i am freaking pissed. You have made me realised more that the choice i have made is definitely correct. totally a shocker to what you just did. even to my friends. and yes, they are my friends. SO keep your freaking comments to yourself. No one touches my friends.

- in a -fuck off- mood -

it's time

2007-07-25T02:52:00.001+08:00

okay, in a nutshell.
i am screwed and i have become a BITCH

- seriously in a 'screwed' mood -

a whole load of stuff

2007-07-10T21:44:00.000+08:00

okie, judging from my last post and the number of days that i have been lazy, i only have one thing to say. loads have been happening... and i mean whole load of crap... but then again, i am also lazy to blog regularly....
anyway, i have got a great class. though they are still gettin used to me...
i am losing weight again!!! Yeah!
i am clubbing again!!!
i am goin for tennis soon!!!
i am going away!!!

- in a dazed mood -

Yoo Hoo!!!

2007-06-22T18:05:00.000+08:00

back again!!! haha... well... was suppose to blog daily about my hk trip.. but then i had a change of room which had wireless but then the signal was weak!!! so in the end, i could not connect even though i bought the prepaid card to surf.. stupid lor..

anyway, i am starting school next weekk!!!! but still in a bit wee of a mess.. i am 'tableless' and i change classes again.. arghh!!! i have no idea what i have to do and all.. it's just this disorganised feeling that is making me super disorganised lah!

would love to talk more, but not really in the mood to blog... who reads anyway! lol

- 'caught once again in a situation' mood -

Hong Kong!

2007-06-12T09:21:00.000+08:00

Day 2!!!

okie... day 1 went pretty okie.. except for the fact that my throat hurts like hell and that the hotel gave me the wrong room.. other for that, it went pretty well...
shopping damage? you would not believe it - but i only bought 2 bags and 1 top.. for now... haha... comparing the first time i was here 6 months ago and what i bought on the first day was a huge huge difference.
was at the peak for dinner last night. ran into this group of ajumma... when we were on our way down waiting for the tram to arrive. it was terrible. First of all, they don't queue. Secondly, they were talking loudly. Thirdly, the freaking tram door was so bloody small. It was obvious there was only space for one person at a time. Obviously, they were so blind that they started pushing. I just stood there watching them push each other. YES! pushing the stranger infront and pushing among themselves. I knew this was going to happen so i stood and watched. I should have snapped a pic or took a video lah.. the scene was comical yet irritating... If they were in Singapore, they would probably get scolded for not queuing.... i got scolded just a few days ago lor. I was waiting for the atm and i swore i never saw the queue lah. then this auntie said loudly - 'excuse me, 'qing pai dui'!' haha.. i apologized and went behind her. still trying to figure where in the hell the line came from...
was suppose to visit ocean park.. but i have to switch my rooms so i have to change my plans. and oh ya, i was going to take the cable thingy to lantau island... but one of it fell from the cable last night! am i suppose to be lucky??? so scary! so i guess today will be shopping, more food and more food and more food and more food! haha.....
if you notice, this post is duper ramdomlessly writing lah. i am still in sleep mode because i have to wake up to call the freaking reception. lol. i will try to get my brain fuctioning well enough before i enter my next post with thoughts that can really be thought about.

- in need of a 'miracle pill' -

heya people!

2007-06-09T12:34:00.000+08:00

okay, been a long time since i blog. funny how everyone starts with that sentence when they haven been blogging? lol. we do think alike. almost all of us. or rather the group of boring us.
anyway, someone complained that i haven been bloggin, so ya. just for you.
leaving for my hk trip in around 18 hours. Haven had much sleep last night. Crap just happen to fall out of the sky once again. Hopefully, i will enjoy myself in hk with the rains and all... I haven packed, haven changed money. i should just shoot myself. and when i am back from hk, it's back to work again. rush and rush before the SA2 sets in.. arghh... notice how the cycle just repeats itself. i am glad i have my class to make it seem more exciting and a little less mundane. i have to start cracking my brains for creative and effective lessons. wonder how much juice do i have left. and by the way, i did not get the offer to cross over. NOT THAT MY RESULTS ARE BAD. just that my poly grades didn't meet their criteria.
it's their loss! haha. but i wasn't plannin to cross over anyway... got other bigger plans way in line....

- feeling a little lost without my 'hero' -

major outcry and outbreak!!!

2007-05-24T00:49:00.000+08:00

HELP HELP HELP!
yes! that's me calling! i am facing a super big problem of major outbreak lah! and i mean major! i dun even know what i am stressed about. Laverne says it's just some hormonal imbalance! someone, help me balance it then! arghh!
i need to sleep more, rest more, relax more and enjoy more. That is what i will be doing in two weeks time... in Hong Kong! but then again, the weather might be bad for me... haha...
anyway, got my final posting.. back to where i started... Changkat Primary School... i get to see my babies again! i would not be teaching in the morning session though! afternoon! same like before... got a lot of adjusting to do before i officially start my teaching life!!!

- anxious anticipation -

2007-05-06T22:11:00.000+08:00

Hi People
been a long time since i blogged. so you can imagine the chaos i have been in! alot of happenin recently. Nothing fun though.
first up - eye infection that left me with 4 days out from school
second up - fall from the stairs that left me with a bruised toe. (and it is not because of the eyesight problem)
third up - i think i am losing hair lah! due to all the stress and everything that has been going around me!

but of course, good things surfaces too. I recently have two new found hobbies. Taking pictures.. of MYSELF! loads and loads of them. lol... now, there's a term for it.. what's that? can't seem to recall. i need my ginko nuts!. and i have taken a real fancy to baking and cooking. seriously lah. but not everything turns up great. sigh.

i also recently realised that things are always not smooth sailing... at the time when you think everything goes well, something has to pop out. It really got me thinking for a while because it just reminded me of past memories. Is it really me or is it really them? i still haven quite gotten it figured out. sigh.

as you can see, this post is quite dis organised. for what ever reason, i have no idea and am clueless. Will get myself back to writing a better post. I promise.

- promises are meant to be broken -

in serious doubts...

2007-04-19T22:40:00.000+08:00

my observations are all done.. and i am seriously considering if i am cut out to be a teacher... i am still a student too and i need motivation and encouragement!!!
i seriously do not know how to be stern or firm with my class. I seriously thought i had no problems doing that because during my contract, it just seems so easy.. or at least my kids do listen to me.. right now, my kids are telling me 'your kindness is too fierce!' they want me to be firmer, stricter and of course fiercer.. How can i bear to scold when i see those kids! arghh..
seriously beginning to wonder if i am suitable to be a teacher. Watever i teach, does not seem to do much for the kids... freaking disappointing... hopefully, in the months to come, i would be better and firmer and would produce better results!!!

- in a 'serious doubtful' mood -

So not liking it!

2007-04-11T23:47:00.000+08:00

there is just so many things on my mind. and i am not liking it. I realise i am out of focus in my current life. So many things just start to sprout out of nowhere. Happy yes, but just too many things.
it's time to remove some of these things and start refocusing on important things. For example - my students! yes, there are more important things too. but for now, where everything is still in tentative plannin stage, my students will be more important. Till the point where i know i seriously need to change my lifestyle and start planning, my main priority will be my students. I need to re direct all my energy and focus onto something. i cannot stand just letting 'unsettling thoughts and matters' floating in my mind.
yes i know you will be reading this... nothing to do with you. It's just me!!!

- in a 'need to finalize details' mood -

grinning from ear to ear....

2007-03-29T19:24:00.000+08:00

i am smiling or rather i have been smiling the whole day today. i wonder why! it sure feels good to be smiling. can lose weight lor! smiling loses more calories than frowning! correct? actually i am also not too sure...
i have 8 more observations to go and one more final science assignment! gotta start on my science! i dun wan to do any more last minute work like last semester! i shall try and aim for a A this time round although i know it is almost impossible. I just cannot seem to score in assignments. I am such a 'assignment idiot'.
oh, have you people read my 4/7's blog? they can write! and they are so cute! all of my classes are so wonderful or they have been wonderful so far. someone commented that i am not fierce enough. I was like laughing lah. i am FIERCE lor. how can i not be FIERCE. they just haven seen me being 'the not nice MISS ANG' yet but then again, they have not really gave me any reason for being the not so nice miss ang. I must thank my CTs. they are and have really done a good job in disciplining the students. The students are already well trained. Thanks for making my classes go a little smoother because the kids are behaving so well!

- smile smile smile -

10 days!

2007-03-22T23:18:00.001+08:00

Okie, been 10 days since i last blogged. loads of things going around... basically stuff that goes uo and down in school!
not too good for my first week of official teaching... i gave homework that i did not teach! shoot me for that! i forgot to collect homework! my powerpoint presentation had erros that the students pointed to me! arghh! how many of these screw ups do i need man! the classes were all great so far except for occasional periods where i had to go 'Number 1, Number 2 and Number 3!' it's signals for them to quieten down. They can be noisy but at the same time quick at being quiet! i am beginning to love them... i miss my 4 Ms though... haven been seeing them in school because i hardly make my way down to the canteen durin recess... hmm..
oh ya, and my wound from paintball.. got infected. it's not healing as well and as fast as it should be idiot me... did not really render and proper care and so after $70, i decided to take proper care of my wound!. haha!
and i have been gaining weight! I REALISE YOU EAT MORE WHEN YOU ARE HAPPY! which could be good but at the same time bad because i want to lose weight! running often is tiring and exercise is time consuming. to be determined takes a lot of determination. something which i dun have!
enough of blogging. getting tired. see no determination. What an example!

- in a 'needs more determination' mood -

PAINTBALL

2007-03-12T23:01:00.000+08:00

okay, paintball is fun. totally fun. i will definitely organize another outing. So babes and hunks, wait for the next meet up! by then, i am sure we would all have better skills in shooting! and of course me, who needs to run and learn to move away from the 'invisible taps' from raymond. Freaking 3 times lah! did not even get a chance to be shot!!!! arghh.. and i thought i would be covered in paint lah!
it was fun to be out with friends. to have joy screaming... thanks babes and guys! i enjoyed myself.. hahah

- in a OUCHY mood -

anticipating the bruises and fun!

2007-03-12T10:28:00.000+08:00

i am goin for paintball today! freaking exciting but at the same scary.. i mean... i just took a look at the playing arena and i just realised that it is freaking big lah! i thought it was just some simple field but i was so wrong... there's at least 4 other places to hide... damn freaking lah. imagine waiting there for someone to come along and shoot lor! i predict myself to get hit like wat 20 times???? but since this is the holiday, i am just goin to enjoy myself and forget about my babies for a while!

- in a freaky mood -

Finally!

2007-03-08T17:18:00.000+08:00

i love myself more today...
because i am goin to reach one of my personal targets....
which is really to do so in the past...
but now, it seems much easier!
so i am happy and i love myself more...
i shall think of more targets to hit!
5 more kg and 3 more days....
counting down and anticipating!

- smiling crazily to myself like a B.I.T.C.H -

i love the new me!

2007-03-08T01:20:00.000+08:00

i love myself more.
i love the changes that have taken place recently.
i love having someone love me.
i love seeing my kids when i go to school.
i love it when they say 'Hi Miss Ang'.
i love eating ice cream when i am with him.
i love listening to the shrills and screams that surrounds my class...

- i love having you around -

i love my babies!

2007-03-05T23:42:00.000+08:00

i met and had time to interact with my babies today! they are a whole load of wonderful kids lah! i enjoyed the interaction we had and i cannot wait for more! they are simply so adorable! i am goin to take loads of pictures of them..... they are just so witty! kept smiling to myself when i thought of the way they corresponded with me and with each other! i cannot wait to start teaching them! tiring yes but fun! i need to have more sleep! that is what i have been missing so much! i love to sleep!

- feeling indeed very blessed -

Fish & Co....

2007-03-01T22:40:00.000+08:00

okay, i gotta bitch about this... another complain sessioN!

we went for lunch today at Fish and Co at Tampines. The food quality was bad. Food was cold, tasteless and tough... you know how infamous their Seafood Platter is right? This particular one on this particular day just sucks! Seriously, the rice was hard to the bite. It was like i was bitting pebbles! i am serious! and the fish was tough. the prawns were dehydrated... everything was bad. But as ususal, we made a complain but nothing was done! no compensation of any sort! Never goin to the tampines branch anymore! the quality dropped! so people, travel far for fish and co! look at the amount of food we left

- in a obsessive mood -

so far so good!

2007-02-28T19:27:00.000+08:00

the first week of the practicum has been great! probably because there isn't much to do because the kids are having their CA... but i saw my babies... so happy!
i am also enjoying the photo sessions we are having... so fun and enjoyable... it's good to have these people around me!
been sleepin little lately... been having like 2 hours of sleep every night.. and it's killing me because i would sneak a little nap in the computer room while preparing my Lesson plans..
trying to adjust my life back to normal! seriously! tryin tryin!

- you guys are the best -

a new goal!

2007-02-26T01:29:00.000+08:00

i have a new goal in my life! and many many other little things to achieve!

- smiling widely! -

moving on?

2007-02-25T11:53:00.000+08:00

i am about to embark on a new phrase soon.. but i still got mixed feelings because i am still quite lost.. hopefully i would find my true self soon enough because i really miss laughing and just smiling...
if you could be that heartless, i guess there is just the need for me to keep the memories and not hang on anymore.. because i know there's someone out there who would love me more... and who would make me happy...

- feeling contented for now -

Finally

2007-02-23T02:41:00.000+08:00

i am finally done with my assignments.. though i think they totally suck and are crap.. totally not my standard lah.. i can only blame myself for not starting earlier... i can always chose to be a stronger person and not let anything distract me but obviously it is not that easy...
i wonder how is your day... i wonder if you do think of me... i wonder if i do matter to you anymore.. so many wonders but no answers..

Turtle Farm and Uncle Tan rocks!

2007-02-07T00:07:00.000+08:00

we visited the turtle farm today instead of goin to Newater! It was a wise choice! at least to me! We saw Uncle Tan, owner of the place and his proud turtles and tortosies! He brought us around and introduced us to some of the most rarest species around! This place to me, is a hidden treasure. Not many people know about this place but i guess you would only come across it if you went to chinese garden! i would definetly go back there and visit the precious and Uncle Tan! The place is also undergoin renovation to house more species... so please drop by and support them. you might just become an avid lover like Uncle Tan! and uncle tan is super cool! like super friendly.... thanks xiu xiu for posting the pictures! if not, we would never have went there today! I learnt alot about the creatures too! but i was freaked while feeding them.. i will get used to it... i will i will! there is this one particular species that during mating, or rather before mating, the shell of the male would actually turn white and the head would turn red! cool right! then another male of another species has a concave shell so that it could lay easily ontop the female during mating! what an adaption! and there is this 2 headed with 6 legs turtle! it's very cute when you put it into the water, because of the two heads that's side by side, they cannot decide where to swim! so it wobbles! super cute! have to go la people!

Oh ya, and i went to botanic gardens with farah, debbie, lisah, sue and Jen! We had a pinic! farah made pasta - very good! and jen made chocolate coated strawberries which she finished half before we went! lol... but it was nice too! the rest of us, bought stuff that can be bought! haha. overall, it was good to be out with friends. especially when we would all be separated very soon for our final lap in NIE... i wonder when can we have the chance to do it again...

- i love 'weird things' -

the waitress and 'her'

2007-02-02T00:55:00.000+08:00

She ordered a tomato, cheese and mushroom sandwich. It came burnt. So she kept looking at the waitress. Finally, the waitress decided to walk over.
She said: "it's burnt."
Waitress replied: "Ya, it's burnt. I think the chef put in the oven too long."
Waitress walked away.
We looked at each other and laughed.
She said: " I come here to eat your bread because it has no trans fat. You give me burnt bread, i still can get cancer lor"
lol. Classic moment lor.
Another waitress decided to come after we gave a comment card.
"Would you like to change your pizza?"
"It's okay. I am already halfway done!"
This place, is on the third level of Wheelock Place. Look for a ad that says NO TRANS FAT.
By the way, my beef portobello sandwich tasted more like beef portobello biscuit. totally hard.
wait for the photo of the burnt picture.

- things that make me twinkle -

regrets?

2007-01-28T18:57:00.000+08:00

someone once told me it would be sad if we were not talking anymore or if we stopped being close friends. At that point, i did not really see or share that point of view. Right now, i totally understand because it seems to be me who is regretting... friends are important to me especially good ones. i missed the times we spent, the conversations we have... but like a mirror broken, nothing can ever be the same again. I could have done something then, instead of letting conflict get in our way.. actually, i wanted and i almost did try to do something, but you did it before me. You decided to chose what is best for you.
My mummy told me she saw one of my friends, who used to be my close friend... but ever since she moved away, all contact was broken... people. if you are gettin married or moving away, please please leave a address? i dun wan to have any more regrets because i seriously cannot turn back time. To you - if i could turn back time, i would chosen a different path.

- in a 'still sick but not that serious' day -

You, you and all but you!

2007-01-26T17:55:00.000+08:00

you have constantly been on my mind... it just feels good to be thinkin of you... but it does not seem to feel right that i keep thinking of you... right now, i should be thinkin about my work and school... but in school, it makes it harder not to think of you... I need you to 'rescue' me, to relieve me of wat i have been feeling!!!

- in a 'thinking' mood -

still not gettin any better

2007-01-25T22:25:00.000+08:00

i am not gettin any better.. it seems to be gettin worst! I am coughing like hell and i am losing my voice!! My presentation is tomoro! please, i need a miracle pill!!!! cannot talk much so cannot type much too! lol

- feelin miserable -

iNDULGENCE OVERLOAD

2007-01-23T11:30:00.000+08:00

Think i have been indulging too much over the past few days or weeks.. too much good food and too much shoppin!!! to the point where i am sick! i mean i am really sick.. having high fever, cough, flu, feelin giddy and my whole body is aching man.... the whole full package.... someone save me please! my presentation is this friday too!!! if my voice is gone, that's it! i cannot take the blocked nose as well as the spinning sensation i get.. the aching body makes it worse... arghhh.. cure me please!!!!!

i love my mascara!

2007-01-21T11:04:00.000+08:00

i bought more beauty products and i am really satisfied with it! the mascara from lancome does work and is good! recommended by both emme and sharon!!! i highly recommend it too!!
Went for dinner on sat at VIVO.. spoilt fot choices for food but settled for the german bar Brotzeit... food was not that bad.. but it gets a little too overwhelming after a few mouths.. but still good.. nice place, nice atmosphere... caught a movie too... the illusionist.. something like the prestige but with a little more 'love' added to it.... i wan to watch FAST FOOD NATION! maybe after that, i will stay off fast food for good! haha....

good food and good company!!! the beer glasses are suppose to look longer but somehow, it doesn't! it's 0.5l!!! good good

Babe - ENJOY YOUR SHOWERS OF RAIN TONIGHT!!!

- loving you -

Almost to the End

2007-01-20T02:09:00.000+08:00

My stint at NIE is almost coming to an end... I have made some new friends and have build better friendships with some of friends... It's funny because it's only towards the end of my 2 years at NIE that i have had the chance to know these people. This seems to happen to me. During my poly days, it was only towards the end of my 3 years that i started mixing around and forging better relationships with my mates.. I seem to be the type that is satisfied with the 'one or two' friends company. I never felt the need to be in a big group or to be in several different groups. Does that make me anti-social or simply just one hard to get along? I think at times, words might just shoot out of my mouth unwillingly with nasty or offensive comments... but i never really meant to insult or just cause someone unhappiness. For this, i apologize to people who have felt this way.. SORRy! I wished i had more time to spend with my friends... once we start teaching, we probably have no chance and time to meet up as often.. these friends have made an impact in my life and i am extremely grateful for them... they have seen the best and the worst side of me... so friends, please make it a point to gather as often as possible okay!

- wishing for more time -

tired...

2007-01-16T20:23:00.000+08:00

i am in the second week and i am very tired!!!! and i haven really started any work yet! oh no!

- for you -

I\'m another　有谁愿意　当这一个　多出来的　trouble maker but look that\'s my luv seal my lips…don\'t let it drop off try let go　不想多想　where we\'ll go 话说到这里　放手　不要你难过 123 who\'s another　有谁愿意　多了一个　乱了规则　应该如何 no no I don\'t know seal my lips…don\'t know it at all here we go　不想多想　where we\'ll go
想别的　可是在你眼中察觉什么一闪而过怎么像是寂寞　
於是我会更沉默
没说的　全世界差点都弄懂了那是什么
而我尴尬笑着走开　只能够装做不懂　怎么能拆穿你的不同
(Oh偏偏)　这地球这么小这么挤这么瘦太阳刻意晒得那么凶　
为什么你出现在他出现以后你怎么连话都说不清楚　
那温柔的tone我听得清楚我站在他的身边　你站在我的面前　
怎么这样心里会难过
你怎么连话都说不清楚　那温柔的痛我记得清楚
他站在我的面前　你经过我的身边　忽然之间心里又难过　为什么

- tired -

RUSHED

2007-01-12T23:40:00.000+08:00

i am suddenly feelin very rushed for time... i just have to urge to do everything all at once. I need to get files to arrange my old notes from previous semester and i need files to arrange my new notes from this semester. At this time, where am i to get files? I just cannot wait to clear my shelves... i also want to start on my assignments... See! i just have the rush to do everything. I need a break. I need to take things slow. But i just cannot seem to! Sunday - get files and arrange files. Sunday - read readings for DCE Sunday - start on DCM assignment! Sunday - try and get some ample rest!!!!

- feelin pushed -

DAMAGE!

2007-01-10T21:12:00.000+08:00

I went shoppin today! and i spent alot! it was worth it though! but i am feelin really totally broke now...
-Damage -
Eyebrow shaping 15
2 pairs of mphosis slippers/sandals 48.30
Mac eyeshadow 25
Mac eyeliner 25
Mac concealer 25
2 shirts from Raoul 198
2 purses from Raoul 88
2 bar of galler chocolates 16.90
1 laptop bag from adidas 149
Chocolate Decadence from GODIVA 8

total damage - too painful to calculate!

and i haven got my pay yet! i think i am an impulse shopper. the two purses that i bought from raoul, i dun know why i need them for. I just like it. And it is the same design, just different colors! at least the shirts i can wear when i start working.. laptop bag also can use.. eyeshadow and stuff if i am not lazy to apply them... for shoes, i need to really clear my floor area. It's full of my shoes and slippers.

- what do you wan exactly -

School!

2007-01-09T19:48:00.000+08:00

School started for 2 days and it's been so far so good! News of assignments are slowly being released to us!!!
I am getting happier each day! So for my friends who are worried for me, do not be! I still have what i want and of course, learning to treasure is a new skill to master... to become a better person is also another of my own personal aims. To score all As is of course another... I believe what has happened in the past year is a passing phrase.. i have to believe it! Having a goal to work towards is a excellent way of keeping myself going... At least i know i would feel more satisfaction in acheiving my aim...
He has also been trying very hard to help me acheive what i want and i really appreciate it! Love will get stronger and love conquers all!!!!

- loving you -

Borat!

2007-01-07T03:36:00.000+08:00

I managed to watch Borat today... It was quite a good film. Everyone around me seem to be laughing hard and stamping their feets.... I did laugh.. but somehow, my laugh wasn't really a sincere laugh. I was just laughing because i did not want to look like the only idiot who is not laughing... I dun know.. maybe i could not really understand borat's accent, or maybe i could not hear properly when people around me were laughing loudly and stamping their feets loudly. It kinda irritated me. When they stamp their feets, the seats vibrate. And i mean really vibrate. It irritates me.. Maybe that was why i did not really truly enjoy the show.. Or perhaps i just forgot how to laugh anymore, forgot what is fun anymore... maybe there are just too much things on my mind to the point where there is no other space for other things to enter my mind... no space for me to learn to appreciate the humour of the show.... but if you got the time, it's worth the money... i just wished i could smile like before....
i am fallin sick lah. haven even started my semester and i am fallin sick! The feelin sucks! must be all my drama series and all the late nights! Outbreak too! must be the late nights! serves me right!

- learning to laugh once again -

Shoppin!

2007-01-02T22:50:00.000+08:00

See lah! one of my resolutions was to control my spending habit.. bt yet, just the second day of the new year and i started shopping...
I bought a comforter (PINK!) and two sets of bedsheets! okay lah, can use for the CNY.. my dad always say need to get new sheets for the new chinese new year.. haha.. excuses and nothing but excuses...
I miss you so much! though i know you are busy working and all... but i still miss you badly.. must be the festive season.. it's the period where you always miss alot of people... i miss my godson, god daughter, people who i have not seen in a long time too!
School's starting in a week or so.. i need to get a new chair! so i can start workin on my desk when school starts... what's the point of gettin a table when i dun use it right? So it is time to make great use of my table! (very nice table)

- missing you -

When is enough

2007-01-02T01:38:00.000+08:00

just when is enough ever enough... just how long can one ever hold on for? DO i get extra points for holding on or just being plain stupid? just how much love can one ever have?
do things really work their way out or would just love slowly fade away without you knowing it? Why do some people regret only after the loss? or will there be no regret at all? Wat hurts more? knowing love has gone or struggling to make sure it does not disappear.... why can't we just treasure wat we have instead of allowing space for regret to slip in....
Do you know how unhappy i have been? it is even worst when times seem to be goin well and the next, just sucks to the max.... i can always chose to end it all. to be happy like before... i miss smiling, havin sweet dreams and good sleeps... but apparantly, ending it is not a good option for me too...
Happy New Year to all!

- in a 'needs to know the future' situation -

A brand New Year

2007-01-01T01:14:00.000+08:00

It's 2007! 2006 is officially gone and over.
This new year brings a lot of hope and wishes for me... I hope the brand new year would be a good year and a brand new start for me and other people... Constantly praying and hopin for my miracle!
Looking back, there are a whole load of things for me to improve on...
first - my relationship
second - my spending habit
third - my career to come
fourth - stick to wat i really wan
I guess there are certain things in life that you really have to hold on and fight for. Whether it would be worth, only at the end of journey would i then know...
I wan to travel more too.. to more rural areas... to travel with my family too!
I will be 25 this year.. i feel so old...

- holding on -

cold!!!!!!!!!!

2006-12-30T02:41:00.000+08:00

been very cold the past few nights.. shivering while sleeping! but today was sunny and the weather was good! should have gone to suntan!!! miss suntanin... miss lye!!! when are we goin to suntan? so i can see you wear your green bikini!!!!
went for movie today. watched night at the museum. i would say it was a okay movie only. i was almost fallin asleep lor.... maybe my expectations are a wee bit too high! lol..
oh went to ikea too, the one at tampines. think it has been overhyped lor... nothing fasicanting or was not too big too! or maybe i was not really lookin out for stuff to buy!
went for dinner at sushi tei too! good! been a long time since i went there! went to coffee club too! also been a long time. I guess maybe it has been a long time since i went out!
so people, date me okie! haha...

- in a 'enjoyed myself' mood -

a flicker of hope

2006-12-26T02:47:00.000+08:00

at times, i feel like there is every bit of hope but at times, i hardly see it. this is what makes it so confusing.
anyway, christmas came and is still here for another 11 days! 12 days of sharing! so people, if you haven got my christmas gift, you still have like 11 days to do so...
oh ya, i got my results and it was super disappointing! i just knew it. because i am never good in dealing with assignments. I guess i am A Exam genius. Haha...
Tomoro, sabrina's getting married. SO excited and happy for her... i just pray i do not fall down the stairs while helping to usher lor!

- in a 'do not know how i am feeling' mood -

Gotta Read!

2006-12-23T15:16:00.000+08:00

i gotta blog about this lor! and i am goin to sound like a bitch or some fussy miss...
You guys know that sabrina is goin to get married right, and that we booked a hotel room to celebrate her hen party as well as a mini christmas gathering....
It was super messed up lah! At least not with us! it was the stupid hotel lor! TRADERS HOTEL!
I made a phone reservation for a suite that was on promotion... it was supposed to have 2 bathroom and a big living room... that was i requested for but guess wat, when we checked in, it was only a small room. Not even a single living room and it was really small. So i called front desk and they changed us to another room... so we moved to another room and it was still the wrong room! in All we walked to three different rooms!!!! can you imagine it! then in the end, they told us that the room we wanted was already occupied and that it was of a higher rate! We had to argue with them that their staff did not tell us lah! they did not even offer to make any compensation or so! and you should have seen the attitude that the front desk staff was giving us. The way they spoke to us! they would have never have done that if we were foreigners lah! That was already one major spoiler!
Oh ya - and when i checked in, the lady told me my card was declined! please lor! the machine read "No Response" not card declined. And she had the guts to tell me that my card is rejected. I asked if it was the machine's fault, she said no, it was my card. When she tried another machine, my CARD DID GO THRU! we waited about 20 mins to check in lor because they could not find my reservation slip and said something about the printer down.
Second major spoiler - the room had no DVD player! remember we moved from room to room. Those smaller rooms had DVDs, and when we went down to complain about the rooms, the lady told us that was the best that she could do. She had already upgraded us from an executive suite to a studio apartment. And there was no DVD player. Can you imagine that? higher category but with no dvd player. So we requested for one and the guy said " RENTAL IS 100 per night plus 5 dollars GST!" What the F*ck lah! in the end, we had to get a dvd player by ourselves.
Third spoiler - the hotel decided to compensate us with complimentary lunch for 4. Price was around 35 per person before GST lah. So we called and asked what time the lunch was till, and the staff told us that they are full. And that we could not use the complimentary voucher for that day. I said, if that is the case then why did they give it to us. Then the staff said okie, they would honour it but only at 1.30. The buffet ends at 2.30. He then asked me to leave contact number and would call us when there is a table. I told him we were in Room ...., then he was like 'oh you are hotel guests!' Beep! hotel guest and [aying customers different ah! So in the end, we just decided to go down around 1.10 to take a look ourselves. THERE WERE SEVERAL TABLES AROUND THAT WERE EMPTY. FREAKIN PISSED LAH. and there was no phonecall at all to us. But the buffet was quite good although the sashimi was not really that fresh.
and know wat, the hotel room was not entirely clean. There were chocolates on the floor left by previous owner. The toilet paper was not refilled. the bin was wet and dirty.
We were totally upset lor. Traders is under shangri la lor. and the staff there, do not even know their facts at all. When the staff told us she upgraded us to a higher catergory, another male staff called and said no, what she meant was a higher level as in 18 is higher than 16! but we were staying on 16 floor. what does it tell you?
Luckily, we all still enjoyed ourselves. It just felt stupid to waste our time talking to them over the phone. There were 7 of us. I think 4 or 5 of us spoke to them lah!
Sorrie for such a long post... but it was really too drama liao! girl lah, so alot of complains! haha.

super super long post

2006-12-17T20:00:00.000+08:00

this will be a super long post... with all my pictures from Hong kong! it was fun, not too bad... but laverne and me somehow wished we had more cash to spare! haha... my total damage - very very heart pain and there is still so much others to buy lah!

anyway, here goes - pics of our shoppin spree

Day 1 (12 noon to 2)

Day 2 (disneyland)

Day 3 (day time)

Day 3 (night)

Well there are still other stuff that we did not take pictures, because we just got too tired to take... i had to buy another suitcase to put my stuff!!!! there are still alot of beautiful pictures but i am just too lazy to load! haha. so that's about it!

so not liking it!

2006-12-09T12:22:00.000+08:00

i am leaving for hk on monday morning and i am still sick! been sick for a week already! it sucks lah... knowing i have to refrain from certain food when i am there.. probably cannot get too excited while playing the rides too... so sian! i will probably be panting from all the walkin to shop! arghhH!!! i need another miracle. to get well before tomoro! that's like less than 24 hours away... shucks! why do i have to fall sick of all times...
and know what, my suitcase is damn big lah! to bring to hk! haha... i wonder how am i goin to get it on the bus lor.. i better have the strength to carry it up. i think probably no problem carrying it there but it would be a major problem when i am coming back lor. since i am goin to fill it up with the stuff i buy! haha...

i rather be dead

2006-12-05T21:28:00.000+08:00

i am sick and tired of goin through what is in my life now. To be cheerful at one point and upset at the very next.
Right now, i am not hoping for anything, i am just praying for me to get stronger and sick of everything so that i can let go easily without hurting myself. So yes, comtinue watever you are doin. Make me upset, make me sick, push me away because i am no longer holding on to 'we will make things work'. People have been tellin me that you will regret once i am gone. I pray that is true because i would really hope for you to go thru what i have been thru. Look what you have done - my love for you is slowly turning into hatred.

- hating myself and the state i am in -

little tint of happiness

2006-12-03T04:50:00.000+08:00

something made me smile today...
you said 'love ya' to me today without me saying it first... it has been days since i heard that phrase... but i dun know if you said it while you were still in a dazed mood because you were still sleeping.. but nevertheless when i heard it, my smile just came up without any hestitation, It felt good... i dun know how long it would last too... but i am really happy today.
i hope you enjoy your run today... and i know you would complete it! Go for it!

- indulging myself -

revamp!

2006-11-30T01:13:00.000+08:00

i just finished watchin full house!!! very nice! the story is very good.. but then once again, makes me want to have that perfect romance... that just seems to happen in movies lor..
anyway i went shoppin today again!!! bought make up!!! $240!!! heart pain lah.... goin to learn to doll myself up and dress up!!! goin to get more make up next week again with my pal farah!!! so exciting..
i need a pink dress too! any idea where to get something nice????
2 weeks away from my trip to hk.. anxious but yet worried... hmmm... mixed feelins lately.. like not much of confidence within me at all....

- needs a boost of confidence -

i wan to be cheerful

2006-11-27T05:12:00.000+08:00

i wan to be cheerful. who doesn't want to be... but it's not easy knowing you will not be there.. i am really tryin hard to hang on... tryin to make things the way they were... i dun know how long i can hold on too.. all i am hoping is for the chance and a miracle to happen.. this is one miracle that i really need... i am praying for it... so hard that you will never know what it means to me...
it's not goin to be an easy journey, i know.. but i am willing to travel all the way to make it work... for now, without you, there isn't a future... i never thought i would feel this way because you are everything to me...

- hope is all i need and a chance -

been long

2006-11-26T20:21:00.000+08:00

it has been a couple of weeks ever since that disatrous event took place in my life....
i know we have been tryin to work things out... but nothing seems to have really improved significantly... friends say i shouldn't rush or be impatient because it takes time.. but do you realy know how i am actually feeling...
i keep tellin myself to prepare myself for the worst but it just never seems to happen... it's just seems too difficult for me to accept...
Last night, he told me we had communication problems... you never know how hurt i felt... after 4 years together, and you tell me we have communication problems.. i am tryin my best to communicate... to do all you want... but it somehows never seems enough...
just because you knew new people that you think you can talk to, does not mean we have communication problems. to me, they are all just fakes. everyone is like this or rather the same when you first know somebody.

i really need answers and quick. i feel like i am falin apart. becoming into someone with split personality. one who thinks she can jolly well give up and another who tinks she cannot survive... i have two inner me who is tryin to see who can outdo the other.

-goin crazy but still hopeful-

Sorry...

2006-11-19T03:21:00.000+08:00

Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say but yet it only comes at the end of the line...
we always say 'if only we knew' or 'never expected it to turn out this way'
i never realised it would take such a big blow to make me realise the need for repentance....
i dun know how long i can hold on even though i keep telling myself i would make it happen....
i wish it was easy to just start all over again... to make you feel the same for me again... It really hurts.... no words can ever describe it....
Right now, it just seems so impossible.. if i tried and failed, i would fall miserably...
i hope i am stronger than i think i am...
to all my friends, sorry if i just went missing... but thanks for all the concern and time that you have spent encouraging me and supporting me...
Even the slightest 'Are you okay' warms my heart...
I really regret for not being the girl you wanted - for not being understanding - for not being caring - for not being trusting - for not being supportive...
Time will only tell wat will happen....
I am really greatful for all the friends that have been with me even when they have their own problems......

- never cried so much in my entire life -

please pray

2006-11-15T03:49:00.000+08:00

please pray for me, my friends...
i know i am not in the worst situation... but i really need you guys to pray for me....
i need to have faith... i cannot give you up without a fight.... i know i have not been the perfect girlfriend you need... but being together for 4 years is not without reason...
dun say you no longer love me.. because it just hurts... i wished i was a stronger person... i wished i could just let you go.. but it's not possible because you are everything to me.. your family is everything to me..
all around me - are images of you....
No matter how much you do not love me anymore, i will still hang on... for now - i can strongly say that i cannot survive without you. You are far too important to me. I would give up anything to turn back time. i would give up anything just to make things right.. all i need is faith from you - in our relationship....

so friends, please just pray for me... pray that i have the determination to carry on, the patience to wait for things to get better... the courage to finally let go when it is time...

Shoppin Spree - SERIOUSLY

2006-11-10T21:08:00.000+08:00

my legs and arms are aching lah....
went shoppin today... spent more than i expected....
farah and i walked almost the whole of orchard today... tiring man!
-list of what i bought-
Shisedo Mositurizer
Shisedo Concealer
Kose Make up remover
Kose some pimple thingy
2 Ts from FCUK
Hugo Boss Fragance
Paul Smith Fragance
3 T from metro
1 piggy bank
2 bath sets
1 coach key pouch...

and know what - only three of the above belongs to me... haha...

think wat me and farah spent today is close to 1 k plus lor... there goes our money.....
rest of the stuff are for christmas pressies.. ya! i do christmas... and i enjoy it though i would like to spend all that money on myself...

next blog would be my wish list... not as if people would read it. but i guess it's fun... haha

-tired-

ultimately, we enjoyed ourselves. i guess....

Emotional Ride

2006-11-10T11:48:00.000+08:00

i am on the worst emotional ride of my life... and i thought i liked rollercoaster rides... at least in sydney i did....
'i am tryin my best to make things work' is what i have been hearing these days.. but yet it offers me no security or assurance... have we really made it to the end of the line...
friends have been tellin me i need to think bout my own future... about my own happiness...
right now - it just feels that what happiness or future is there without you in it....
4 years does not seem long yet does it seem short... to let go of everyting would probably be the hardest thing of all....
if things do work out, it would be just great... if things does not work out, i have to learn to be mature and start letting go....
i wish someone could brainwash me then.. or bring to some faraway place... let me live in a magical land where i can be just happy the whole time....
i am such a wreck now....
- by the way - i screwed my DLK exam - i am such an idiot-

a great day

2006-11-02T04:59:00.000+08:00

well this post was supposed to be for yesterday.. but i was just too tired to move my hands...
i had a great day yesterday.. all by myself...
i walked from bugis to clarke quay.. then to boat quay then to raffles then to fullerton... wanted to stay at bakerzin.. but it was replaced by Starbucks.. well then anyway, i stayed at starbucks for about 4 hours.. where i drew a part of the buildings that i saw.. then i made my way to the esplanade then to city hall before heading home.. oh ya, and i went to the park.... lol.. super boh liao right...
but i had fun walkin around aimlessly, admiring singapore at night... i decided that i shall draw the esplanade the next time i am there.. it does look nice at night...
i enjoyed sitting at fullerton, reading my book and enjoying the breeze.. best of all.. it was a weekday so there wasnt much crowd..... it's actually quite relaxing.... and i get to burn fats from all that walkin around!!!
i seriously need to catch up on sleep.. i haven been sleepin much and i think my body is gettin used to it.. to the extent that i dun feel tired at all.. even at this time... 5 am!!!! sigh... i love to sleep... so why am i not sleepin???
1 more final assignment and 1 more test is all i got.. for this sem...
cannot wait....

2006-10-29T06:50:00.000+08:00

have you ever tried crying for 3 hours in a row? i did. and it hurt. especially when you are crying because of someone you love.
i am in a very confused state right now. i cannot sleep. cannot think. the same things keep recurring in my bloody mind.
there's basically two routes for me to take. but these two routes are both hard routes. either way i chose, i get hurt.
how do you expect me to trust someone after what he did. how do you expect me to love someone after what he did.
for 4 years, never once in my life have i expected such a act. Especially not from you. i have been tellin my friends that is one things i can be sure that will not happen because you will not do it. I have been just foolin myself. And it hurts even more when you tell me you do not know when you stopped loving me.
i must be a fool. if i chose to carry on, i am kiddin myself. i should chose to walk away. Someone, tell me how to walk away... without the pain and agony.
You would never know how i am feeling or wat you have caused me.
i really wished i was the one to stray...

Do you

2006-10-25T19:10:00.000+08:00

know who eric szmanda and jonathon togo are??? they are the reasons why i am so hooked to CSI LV and CSI Miami.. without them, i would have lost the will to stay by my comp and watch CSI... lol... who are they? SImple! basic cute guys that make me go 'oooooohhhhh'. seriously. not really defined as good looking or charming.. but simply - CUTE! in a nerdy sorta of way. I think i am attracted to such guys. Especially guys with glasses and braces. With short and clean neat hair. Lol! but at the same time, i yearn for good lookin hunks too! but i thnk i shall just stick to wat i have now at the moment... haha!
oh, i bought my shaker... goin to buy my ingredients to make my Martinis! or at least attempt to! bought my mini christmas tree already too! still have lotsa of stuff to buy@!@! i need to learn to budget myself and save money!!!!
Still in obsession.
Elvis Presley.

2006-10-24T22:26:00.000+08:00

i almost forgot about my blog! haha.. but here i am, writing about what has been goin on in my life...
nothing much actually.... except for the fact that my BIRTHDAY is coming! Friends, listen up hor! lol....
dun think i will be celebrating my brithday with ben this year.. well on the actual day.. he has to work! sob sob... so i can only count on my 'quality friend' to make it better lor!!!! i dun really look forward to celebratin my birthday this year actually.... i wonder why....
i have got two more assignments and one paper@!! sigh... then after that, i will be just looking forward to my hk trip, my friend's party, and of course, Christmas! nothing beats christmas... everyone comin together!
oh ya. and i have a new found serious obsession.
Elvis Presley.

Vivo City...

2006-10-15T03:12:00.000+08:00

I went to Vivo city in the evening after a tiring day of tuition... it was not that bad.. big ya but still crowded.... i love the shops!!! names that we do not see in Singapore! the clothes were excellent... supposed to be saving money but there i go again... spending money! sorry laverne!!! will save more.. dun worry! haha
on thursday, i locked my self in lah! i left my keys in my room and i locked my room! i had no keys to open my main gate and door! and i was rushing for tuition! in the end, i had to pry the lock of my room door open! and it was actually quite easy.... so locks are not that secured anyway lol.. my dad had to buy another lock for my room and as usual, we had trouble installing the damn lock!
oh ya, go try GODIVA's dark chocolate decadence.... i think... it is very good! $8 for a cup. i think only city link and vivo city sells it... and i had Carl's junior for dinner... i had the portebello something something... haha.. it was not bad but very filling. the fried zuchinis were a disappointment though....
and i love TANGS... in vivo city... not as huge as the orchard one but good... i love their houseware department! clothes were basically all the same though. so not much difference...
the garden in vivo city is excellent. the view is wonderful except for the haze of course.. alot of youngsters.. i predict that to bbe the hot spot for couples and for people who would not want to go home and would just like to sit there and hang... lol... too bad i am no longer young lor... that is a great spot to be tere...

another 'clueless' assignment

2006-10-13T01:09:00.000+08:00

i have another assignment to do.. and i am clueless about it.. i have my own ideas and views but i duo not know if it will fit into what my tutor wants.. and since i missed her lesson today.. i am even more clueless.. and it is 60%.... damn... that is alot of weightage!
i still have 2 more assignments to complete... i hate assignments.. and i hate doin badly for my assignments.. then again, who doesn't? haha
someone commented that my posts were all very depressed! i guess i have to try and write more 'cheerful' posts. i guess once work is over, i willbe very happy! everyone will be very happy!!!!
so sad.. tomoro no more gals outing... they shopped too much today liao.. so decided not to anymore tomoro! how can!!! so sad!!!! i was hopin to visit Vivo city! another day then... or anyone game tomoro??? call me!!!

down to TWO

2006-10-10T11:21:00.000+08:00

i am down to two final assignments... finally... then i have two more tests to scrape through.. was talkin to min last night.. he was askin me if i knew when the dates were, i told him NO! and he was amused that i did not know the dates.. everyone knows i dun study! haha.....
Oh... we booked our tickets!!! to hk!!! so exciting.. and i am gonna pick up a new hobby... mixing cocktails!! haha... may it be a sucessful hobby then! i shall try out different concoctions after everything....

if i really matter to you, show it to me in a different way. if i do not matter to you, it does not matter where i am or whether we are talking.

boooorrrrrinnngggg

2006-10-09T01:44:00.000+08:00

been a few days since i updated my blog.. i think.. cannot exactly remember the date since i updated.. lol.
i had a haircut today.. again... so my hair is shorter! but at least i got rid of the dry and frizzy ends... but my fringe is irritating me.. the stylist suggested that i had my fringe cut slightly and let it be side parting instead of center. i am having a hard time tryin to adjust. having this feelin that it's in my eye! lol

it's good hearing from you again... but then again maybe it isn't for certain reasons.... i have no idea what i want...

Happy that all of us finished most of our assignments!!! we just a few more to go! hang in there babes and hunks!

super bored....

2006-10-06T03:16:00.000+08:00

i am freaking bored.. even though i have alot of stuff to do... sigh
there is a song i like.. but i have emotions being stirred up now if i hear the song... just because the song reminds me of that person... it will be some time before i can listen to that song and just enjoy... if i know this would happen, i would never have introduced that song to that person.... and i like that song......! sigh... my teacher use to say that songs which stir your emotions are bad songs... but that song is really good.. and meaningful lah... sigh.
i need some sense of direction in my life now. i need a clear focus... i am slacking alot this semester. no drive... i need to block out certain things in my life. i need to ask myself wat i want... according to min, i need to focus on my 'good' friends instead of other people.. haha... i cannot even focus on my own thoughts lah.. so many things running through my head.. i had a horrible dream last night.. i was literally crying in my sleep!!! it either means i am really stressed or i am really just screwed!...
can someone shine a light on the path i have to take???

effectiveness!

2006-10-05T00:01:00.000+08:00

two heads are better than one! this phrase is so true!
farah and me have been working real hard on our problem solving task and we are almost 80% done!!!! yeah! we were trying to look for primary 5 students to try our problems... but all the students present were all secondary students!!!! haha... all went home to sleep liao.....
i still have 2 science assignments to complete.... and 2 tests coming up.. after that.... PARTY TIME!!!! farah would have finished fasting by then.. so we can all party!!! and JEN.... (because she will be reading... haha) i cannot wait for our MARTINIS!!!
got to go now... need to focus on work liao... no more foolin around!

sight...

2006-10-04T18:59:00.000+08:00

i dun like tuesday, wednesday as well as thursday... i dread seeing you...
it only makes me upset.... it really makes me wonder who are you... wondering if i really know you... It's good that you are happy now... if it is for the good reason.... i wish i had a blind spot... so i dun have to think of it......

gosh...

2006-10-03T22:23:00.000+08:00

i have been really having weird dreams lately.. and since dreams are normally opposite of reality, it probably would not happen... it is a really really weird dream...
i guess i have been watchin too much movies..... i wan a really really great love story.... with a vampire!!!! haha... told you it was a weird dream... ever wondered if they really existed? i always thought these stuff do exist... if not how do people come up with such stories and weird stuff.... ben however, always thinks it is never real... he never believes in such stories and things!
i still have so many things on mind.. i cannot wait to go to hk in dec with laverne.... and of course our little party for Sabrina... but before all these, i seriously need to clear all my assignments and all my tests... sigh.. when i am working, i wan to study, when i am studyin, i wan to work! contradicting only! well, that's life right.... haha
goin to go now... i need my dreams...

Our Deepest Fear

2006-10-03T02:39:00.000+08:00

got to share these with you people... absolutely beautiful

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

YOU

2006-10-03T01:18:00.000+08:00

you upset me... period.

Lying in me, as though it were a white
Stone in the depths of a well, is one
Memory that I cannot, will not, fight:
It is happiness, and it is pain.
Anyone looking straight into my eyes
Could not help seeing it, and could not fail
To become thoughtful, more sad and quiet
Than if he were listening to some tragic tale.
I know the gods changed people into things,
Leaving their consciousness alive and free.
To keep alive the wonder of suffering,
You have been metamorphosed into me.